You fade away with the scent of chloroform 
and dream yourself into darkness. 
You are forced to separate yourself from the living.
You fall asleep in comfort 
and awake in darkness.
cold, wet darkness.  

You watch your mother’s lies
and brutal accusations.
you watch the woman that once cradled you
glare at the people who loved you the most.  
You feel her cold, pitiful stares
and burn inside when she smiles.

You watch them take out a bag
Disgusting and eerie. 
the one you were stuffed into.  

You watch them show off duct tape
Torn and ripped.
What was once on your hair
what was once covering your mouth
suppressing your breath.
Sealed with a Sticker
a
tiny
heart
Sticker.

you hear the stories.
you know the lies
you see their faces
You watch the jury
and you hear what they think
you try to sway what they think to the correct answer
but is too hard.

You in this moment, little Caylee, 
Are God… 
you know all
you see all
you hear all
But even God can’t give you justice that earth owes you.  

all you can do is helplessly watch…
Helplessly watch as a court tries to give you
justice.
A justice that they can’t justify.  

I didn’t know you
I never held you
I never looked into you innocent eyes.
all I know is that you were Robbed.  

you were blindly robbed by someone dear to you. 
you will never feel the suns kisses
or feel the rain on your eye lashes.
you never had a chance to go to school
you never had a chance to hate school
you never felt real hope
real Dispare
real happiness. 
 you will never find a partner to share your life and soul with 
You will never be what God Intended you to be,
because someone took that away from you

Little Caylee,
Silent Angle,
Sing to us your truths
sing them slow and soft
let the slim from the court cease
and let the jury hear your truth

Give them the verdict.
give them the verdict to justify your death
to justify the 80 plus years that were taken from you
to justify every human joy that was robbed from you
to justify every gasp of air you made that fateful day.  

…to justify the betrayal that you carried to heaven…

Sing me your sorrow filled songs
Sing me your tears
sing me your heart
sing me your truth.

but most of all
little Caylee,
Sing me
God’s warmth.  

___________________

Rest in Peace Caylee Marie Anthony
2005-2008
 

lock us in the back of your car
and sing to me off key 
look at me with starry eyes  
Tell me it’s alright.

lean on me
and stare out the windows
watch the lightning make nets in the sky
Lighting up are darkest fears
watch it cage us in the moment.  

With exciting laughs we’ll watch the clouds roll
opening up the stars’ oasis 
Connect them for me
and give them names
Sing to me about the stars
about how they’re so much more.

then I beg you to fall asleep.
let me trace you in the dark
and let me feel your breathing dwindle.
let me feel your heart rate slow.
let me feel you on the edge of death
let me appreciate you so close to his hand.

let me go to sleep with our bodies touching
Let me smell your sent in my dreams
Let me wake from these dreams 
and feel your heart rate increase
Let me feel you rise from depths so close to death. 

let me inflict upon you
a creation from the hearts 
who so desired to be a part of one another.
to join together through the place where they confess.
let me kiss you and remember everything good in my life.  

pale blue 
crawl through my window
spot the ground with your light
grasp my stares
and remind me of the peace you bring.

Remind me of when we first met
on the shore line
near the sea
remind me of the moments we shared
when everyone was asleep  

bring me back to the sea
and the calm wind
let me feel the foreign air in my lungs.  
let me close my eyes and see the city lights.  

Let me yearn for your harmony again
and my heart beg for your serenity 
but snap me back with a little buzz in my ear
and remind me that in this hour
I have found a new peace.  

come with me
lets get dizzy with the sight of a passing train
We’ll smile and laugh with the taste of imported ceylon  
on our lips.

I want to feel the train rumble through my bones
and I want to carry the feeling everywhere I go.
I want to remember driving around this stupid town
I want to remember laughing while the sun goes down.  

I need to get out of here. 
but I want to come back to this
I want to come back to your eyes shining in the sunlight
that floods through the car windows
i want to come back to the taste of peace tea fresh on my lips
I want to come back to humid summers
i want to come back to my childhood summers

I want to come back to who I was.
and remember how I came to be.  

I’m a fighter 
and you know I am.
battle scars are crested in my skin.  
But, I’ve reached a point where they they’re just wear and tear.
Not Something that bleeds and feels.
i’ve reached a peace
which has ultimately lead to chaos.

I can’t feel anymore.
And I wear myself to the bone
and try to perfect everything I touch 
and actually try to make myself sad enough to cry. 
because I can’t feel what makes me feel human anymore.

My emotions are so compressed.
They travel through my throat in screams
and in being polite I hold them back.
I try to swallow them.
But end in tears and uneven breathing.

I won’t tell you this,
But I need someone to hold me.
and probe me.
And dissect everything about me.  
and make me confess to them
And make me cry
And make me feel again.

I need you to ask.
And KEEP asking.
until i want to kill you.

and I need someone to notice me scratching
I need you to make me eat.
And force me to do the things
That I tell you I don’t want to
or don’t need to.

I need you to push me to my limits.
I need you to be angry with me.
And disapointed
and help me.
And asks whats wrong.
and don’t take nothing for an answer.
Don’t stop asking until I explode with a confession.
But I need you to wipe my tears.
And touch me as gently as you can.
And feel my heart beating on your chest.

I need someone to love me enough
to fight a fighter.
i want people to know
And care
..but I won’t let anyone…
i need you to force me.

I need you to force me
I need you to push me until I feel
And bleed and cry and laugh
I can’t keep screaming.
Crack me open
release what I won’t let out
Force me.