I want to bleed. 
but I can’t.
I want to climb a high tree
and let my skin catch on loose branches
And I want my palms to feel the bark
tear their soft skin apart.

I want to sit on top the highest branch
to kiss they sky
and look at my sweet louisiana with
utter disdain  and anxious breath. 

As I sit I want to feel
my cuts spread open
I want to feel humid air
tunnel through my veins
I want that pleasure
that I have been so wrongly denied.

And all of you that stand bellow
this tree tell me-
beg me to stop.
However, the period of
craving petty attention is fading.

When I feel blood making it’s way
out of my veins
When I feel sharp pricks of pain
as blood leaks down my limbs
I feel human

For a split second
I feel like I don’t need to be
more than what I am.
That blood strips me to
the essence of who I am
A human.  

You place me in a world 
of expectation
and competition
of perfection
And expect me to live
but I can’t.  

I 
am
Suffocating

I am trying so hard
to not hurt you
but I am alone
and you can’t understand
please don’t cry
but I am shaking

February was such a long time ago. 
I am shaking with
pain
and desire
and stress.  

I 
need
You to hold me still 

I don’t want to hurt you. 
I don’t want to hurt myself.
I don’t want to cause pain.

But,
I want to bleed
I want my demons to flow
out through my blood
i want to forget.

I want to forget that I’m and idiot.
And how I will never be smart enough.

I want to forget his hands
and the stains they left

I want to forget that my thighs touch
And how my body is disgust.

I want to forget that I’m hurting
I want to forget it all.

But I can’t hurt you.
I can’t lose myself again
I don’t want to be this.
I need you.
i need you to hold me.
And my shaking hands
Still.